| Im overwhelmed with excitement and tasks. I start school on Monday. My dorm room is quite spacious and has potential to be the coolest room ever. I got an Apple PowerBook Laptop and and iPod, and for that I am smiling. My best friend Kelly is my roommate. 2nd floor UG. I love buying even new shampoo and shave gel. I love my down comforter and comfy pillows. I love the hot weather and the palm trees. I got a black Rodeo today with gray leather interior, and thats exciting too! I got my Arizona drivers license and signed up to Rush for sororities. I have 5 million things to do and three days to do them in. Im friends with the dreaded ex and he says i love you again which i cant believe or accept or else i will be sucked in again. It feels good to have him in my life a little as i go away to college, even though i am going to date other people very shortly. But right now.....im happy.
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| ive been in chicago trying to occupy my time with old friends and useless activities. yet i always run across small memories and harsh reminders of my deepened sadness. everywhere i look there is an old song playing or i find myself laying in the exact spot that we once layed, or i come across a smiling photo. My mom says that every person is heart broken once, and i am just hoping to never feel this way again. when he calls i want to scream and cry in his ears and just simply ask "WHY?." But there is no answer that will satisfy my needs. So i let the phone ring and sit on my hands. For boys, some chose lust over love, and this is the case in my situation.
I ordered chinese food and cried last night and i opened my fortune cookie and it read "Golden opportunities await you." This could mean one of two things. 1. Im moving to Arizona and it is quite sunny and golden. 2. Im going to meet a goldenly tan man in college and he will fall hopelessly in love with me so i can forget about this loser.
im hoping for option #2. |
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yeah too bad on my last week here we couldnt be happy. better yet my last night here he was out with some other girl. having sex with her in my friends apartment. im gone. ive moved. i got fucked over. four years down the drain. im depressed and alone, and i start school in 10 days. everything came crashing down at once. i hate him i hate that i ever loved you and still do. i cant escape it. i hate you. |
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| I GOT A 4 ON MY AP ART EXAM. I AM JUMPIN FO JOY! |
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| and i ask myself, "was it worth all the pain?"
i cannot stop counting days and tearing up over everything! 16 days now.
there are so many people i need to see.
i should have said A LOT more goodbyes at graduation i suppose.
yes, i am a spiteful person, and i plan on being that tonight. over and over.
and considering that THE NOTEBOOK made me cry for hours and hours....i think im a little emotional at this point in time.
i hate when boys say "stop PMSing." when they dont know that PMS comes BEFORE your period. idiots.
i already have college friends away. uh
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